Foodie Asshole

Update: I no longer "diet" or count calories or eat shitty light foods. I highly recommend you quit that shit too. If you can afford it, order some Jeni's Ice cream and have half a cup every night as I now do. You can always get more exercise if you're so worried about calories.
Confession: I made this post in order to drum up traffic to my comedy clip.
I'm in the Funniest Person in Austin competition. I was the alternate in my round, so now whoever gets the most Likes on Youtube gets to go on to the semi-finals.
Follow these simple instructions, and you'll be my favorite person for the day: Step 1: Click on this link
Step 2: Watch it for at least a minute... THIS IS A VITAL STEP
Step 3: Like it (And actually, hopefully, you like it)
Step 4: Repost this post on your Facebook page Teamwork doesn't seem work!!!!!!!!


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I don't review products that often since it doesn't seem healthy, but I make exceptions for innovative and awesome foodstuffs. …

Whole Foods
Because a Whole Foods employee told me this 2 ounce bag of vegan, raw, gluten free Zesty Nacho Organic Paleo-Friendly Kale Chipswas "only" $4.99, I took it to the counter:


It rang up as $7.99, which annoyed me, but I gave in and bought the damn thing.  That's $4 per ounce.  Christ.  This is what I pay to have a paleo diet-approved chip.

They were pretty tasty, though the coating tasted, at best, like a cousin (or maybe a second cousin once removed) of cheese.  But who fucking cares?  All I was after was something low-cal and at least kind of tasty to crunch on mindlessly while watching Mad Men on Netflix Instant. It sort of served its purpose (the calorie count isn't really that great at 320 for the bag with 10g of saturated fat), but I'll never pay this much again for kale chips even if my attempts to make them at home have been a little pathetic.

There is this hazard to be aware of too:
But maybe you're not as much of a slob as I am.

I had a bu…

Espresso Rating: 4/10

I kind of didn't realize that my $5 for $10 of Doughboys Donuts coupon would get me a fuck ton of donuts since they're all still about buck a piece at this old school donut shop. Whoops. I could have taken some of them back to my roommates or something, but, predictably, I instead decided to do my foodie duty and try a bite or two of each of the eight donuts I selected.



It's always a bit weird to be in Southie where white people work behind the counter of a donut shop, blue collar workers take their daily donut and New England brand coffee to go or sit and rest at the tables shared with the deli next door. The young lady who very kindly helped me asked if I wanted my espresso in coffee or anything, probably thinking I didn't understand what just an espresso would be as it's likely that no one has ever ordered just an espresso from her.