Foodie Asshole

We decided to walk from our hostel until we found food. After about three miles we finally started finding things. There was one place called Fast Food - The Office. Pass. We tried to follow signs to a heavily advertised restaurant called Restaurant Elias, but we eventually gave up as the signs all seemed to be lies.

Jet Ski had a menu out front, but inside it turned out they did not serve food.

Which was a shame since we could've eaten out here if they had.

Finally, we found a place called Mondo Cafe that was serving food.

I thought it might be interesting to you to see some Montenegrin menus. This is their bar food. In the Balkans, curry was all the time being pronounced "carry."

The plazma mystery continued, but none of us ordered sweet pancakes.

Piletina Kari/Chicken Carry/Chicken curry - It was just some kind of white sauce with a bit of curry powder sprinkled on. The "chef" back there could have at least mixed the powder in, good lord. They did at least have the first edible bread I'd had other than at Piazza in the Balkans.

At Caffe del Mare: The menu didn't offer any information, so we ordered the fried surprise, which turned out to be another one of the bland but grease-tasty ham Twinkies with cheese on top and sour cream on the side - 3.50 euro

Double espresso - 2 euro, good stuff here

One good thing about The Balkans is that, when there is a toilet, the plumbing is fucking strong.

Bonita - Best Cafe in Kotor - We were in the sun and on the water, and the bathrooms were awesome. They smelled good, they were roomy stalls, they were super clean, and they had an awesome hand dryer and bathroom sign.

Double espresso - 2 euros - the best espresso I had in the Balkans

The nicest place we went to was Galion.

Sparkling water - 3.50 euro, yikes. That's $4.60 USD. Fuuck. I basically ordered it to get us out of the awkwardness of the wine ordering situation. All the wine was stupid expensive, at least for the region of the world. The cheapest bottle was 17 euro of $22.30 USD. No glasses. No one wanted to order any at those prices.

Delicious complimentary white and brown bread

Served with butter, olive oil, and what I decided was a lemon and fish sauce aioli (so good)

Squid Ink Risotto - 9.50 euro, $12.50 USD - very tasty and flavorful

Galion from across the water

We needed coffee the morning we were going to Our Lady of the Rock, this island in the middle of Kotor Bay.

At Hotel Conte (technically in Perast) we got double espressos and sat on the water. It was so nice out. The nice guy gave us each a delicious hazelnut chewy candy with out espressos. I like it that, unlike in America where they bring you all your food and the check pretty much all at once, they wait here until you ask to bring you the check, but I think the happy medium would be if once you asked they got it to you within five minutes instead of ten.

Cute

I jumped in the Bay of Kotor, quickly scrambling out of the water immediately afterwards, they way I would as a kid in Houston December-march. It felt great.

Next Up: Old Town Kotor's restaurants