Foodie Asshole

Fazenda's best attributes are its space, its several little tables to work at, some sofas even, and its non-crowdedness.

They have good espresso and whatever other coffee drinks you like

Their americanos are good here, if you can get them to do it right. They will not give you a mug unless you ask the person actually making your drink. Telling the person who takes your order that you'd like it for here will do nothing. Ditto for asking for less water. You have to make sure the message is conveyed to the guy making the drink that you want a mug and you want only a bit of water. Otherwise you get a way too watered down americano that is so hot you won't be able to take a sip for at least six minutes.

The best two pastries are 1) This Earl Gray Muffin

And 2) This Apple Cinnamon Coffee Cake

House made maple pecan scone: a bit disappointingly dry and common

Cheddar bacon scallion scone: okay flavor-wise, but the scones are just dry here

Vegan lemon poppyseed "cruller" - I put it in quotes because it's more like a loaf of muffin than a cruller, but the lemon poppyseed parts were great.

Chocolate croissant: Not bad

They have a normal cafe menu of breakfast and lunch options.

Turkey Brie with brie, apple honey mustard or fig spread on ciabatta (obviously I chose the fig spread) - $8.15: Tasty. They are not stingy with the brie. I started wondering, though, why are white people obsessed with this size of sandwich? They cut eight inch sandwiches into two four inch halves. One half is perhaps perfect for a certain kind of women, who can either share a whole sandwich with a friend or save the second half for later. Most men and active or fat women with healthy appetites might like a seven inch sandwich every now and then, like the wonderful Vietnamese give us. Five to seven inches is the perfect size range for sandwiches for a real meal. I could eat six inches of the two four inch halves at the cafe, yes, but then I'm left with two inches of sandwich. What I'm 'posed to do with that? What happens is I eat the whole thing even though I would've preferred not to. Staying present is hard. I'll sit down with a sandwich for lunch and think, okay, mm, now be present and enjoy this sandwich. Mm it's good, though it needs some salt. Is there salt anywhere at this cafe? Is it rude if I ask them for some salt for my sandwich? It's Shana's fault, she's accustomed me to high salt levels, and now I need lots of salt or I can't taste anything. Wait, you're thinking again, be present and enjoy the food. Then I saw this girl who kind of looked like Rory Gilmore and started thinking about how much I liked that show and the dynamic they set up on it, and maybe I should watch it again to see if it holds up, and suddenly my sandwich was gone.